Tactics Narcissists use to gain self-esteem usually come in the form of ‘Tactics.’ When we hear the term, we might immediately picture sneaky little secret attacks or mean words that send shivers down the spine. This is only one possible usage. What’s more common among narcissists, though, is the usage of verbal abuse that can drive one to ruin another person’s life or even their family’s. They will not hesitate to use profanities and say anything that makes other people feel bad about themselves, particularly about themselves in a sexual context.
They’re master manipulators, too. Narcissists know how to use language to influence and control. They know that words have power, and they’re not afraid to use them. They are masters at lying, twisting, exaggerating, and making everything about them ‘better’ than other people – including you and me.
They are so skilled at using ‘linguistic projection’ that they’ll tell you whatever is in their heads causes others to react negatively. So even if it doesn’t feel like it, you may be right. But they know this and use it often. That’s why they gain self-esteem by manipulating you – to either believe what they’re saying or not.
Tactics Narcissists Use to Gain Self-Esteem are also adept at convincing you that you have nothing going for yourself – and thus, yourself. They’ll tell you that you don’t have what it takes to accomplish anything worthwhile in your life, or that you don’t deserve to be successful. Narcissists are master liars. They can convince you that no one will love you, that you’ll never find happiness, that you’re a burden, a liability, a cause of despair, a problem, a burden, a disease, a flaw, a criminal, a loser, a bum, a wretch, a disgrace, an imbecile, an idiot, an anti-Christ, a disgrace, a nobody, a blind eye, an ostrich, a turncoat, a scoundrel, a terrorist, a failed artist, a failed businessman, a failure, a nobody, a bum, a dishonest person, a friendless person, a worthless person, a useless person, a nobody, a scoundrel, a thief, a killer, a liar, a devil, a buffoon, and more – in just about every possible way! And then they’ll sit back and enjoy the fact that you don’t know any better, that you’re living in a world of wonder and that no one knows you better than they do.
Narcissists prey on the fear that we don’t really have things – that there’s something missing from us. That there is something lacking in us. They convince us that we’re somehow deficient and that we need them to validate who we are and that without them, our lives will be empty, a waste of time, a living hell.
But life is not like a stage or a movie where the villain has all the good elements to throw at the hero. We can fight back, we can win, we are stronger than they are. We have the strength and the wisdom to know that if we work hard and do our best and if we want to gain self-esteem, then we don’t have to take anyone’s word for it but ourselves. We can do it ourselves. We just have to believe that we can.